WHAT IS EMOTIONAL REGULATION?
Emotional regulation is our ability to have control over our emotional state, which includes the ability to assess a situation that may instigate anger, anxiety, sadness, fear, or other emotions. Some emotions are hard to manage, control, or understand and kids may need some guidance to regulate how they feel.
By using emotional regulation to keep ourselves in a calm and/or happy state, we can manage our reactions and better cope with what comes our way at any given moment. Learning how to guide their regulation skills can help children organize and understand his or her feelings.
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP?
Coregulation is a way for parents to help their child/children with emotional regulation. This is defined as warm and responsive interactions between parent and child, that provide support, coaching, and modeling in order to understand, express, and modulate a child’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. For babies and toddlers, this can lead to self-soothing and activity transition skills. For young children, this can lead to regulation skills in social settings (ie: play).
COLLABORATIVE EMOTIONAL PROCESSING METHOD (adapted from Seed and Sew LLC)
- Allow: allow them to feel and express; hold a space for that emotion; stop them from hurting themselves and others
- Connect with them
- Recognition: empathize what they are feeling (put it into words)
- Security: feelings are temporary; help them know that you are a safe space for them to feel
- Coping Strategies: offer them two coping strategies to choose from
- Problem Solving: do not enter this phase until they are calm enough to do so; invite them to help you problem solve
ADDITIONAL TIPS
- Sometimes a child needs more time (than you think) to feel their emotion. Give the child that time and space, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
- Let them know that you love them unconditionally, even when they have hard feelings that they don’t know what to do with.
- Children often will mirror our feelings. It’s not your child’s job to calm down for you, it’s your job to calm down for your child!
COPING SKILLS/STRATEGIES
There are many approaches to emotional regulation to choose from. Choosing the right strategies can vary depending on the emotions being addressed and depending on the child. Some of our favorites include:
- Family Mindfulness (*can be found in our previous blog of the same title)
- Breathing
- Coloring/drawing/painting
- Playing music
- Reading a book
- Hugging
- Movement/exercise
- Playing calmly with a toy that involves fine motor
Coping mechanisms numb our feelings, push them below the surface, and help us feel better temporarily. Examples: pacifier, lovey/security item, snack/food, distraction with a toy. For adults using a coping mechanism (vs. a coping strategy) might look more like scrolling through our phones, obsessively cleaning, drinking alcohol or eating in response to feelings. Utilizing coping strategies are preferable to using coping mechanisms.
SEEKING SUPPORT
It is within the framework and expertise of occupational therapy to address emotional regulation as it pertains to sensory processing/regulation, social pragmatics, and executive functioning. A speech therapist is well positioned to address emotional regulation as it pertains to a child’s expressive language and social skills. Here at Therapy at Play, both disciplines use the Zones of Regulation curriculum to support emotional regulation.
ZONES OF REGULATION
The Zones of Regulation is a conceptual framework, developed by Leah Kuypers (MA Ed. OTR/L) used to teach self-regulation skills. The Alert Program (aka “How Does Your Engine Run”) and the Incredible 5-point Scale provided the foundation for the development of the Zones or Regulation curriculum. The first portion helps kids become more comfortable identifying various emotions. The second portion focuses on teaching emotional regulation skills/strategies. This program works best for children ages 4+.
BENEFITS OF THIS PROGRAM
- Helps kids categorize the complex feelings and states they experience in a simple, concrete, and visual way
- Improves their ability to recognize and communicate how they are feeling in a safe, non-judgmental, and non-stigmatizing way
- Allows and empowers students to tap into strategies/tools to help them move between the zones
- The curriculum can be easily adapted/graded
ZONES OF REGULATION FOCUSES ON IMPROVING SKILLS IN THE FOLLOWING AREAS:
- Sensory integration and regulation
- Emotional self-understanding and emotional self-regulation
- Executive functioning and cognitive control of behaviors
- Helpful visuals
- Social thinking and related vocabulary
- Development of self-awareness
FINAL THOUGHTS ON EMOTIONAL REGULATION
DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOU! The work starts with us! When we model positive coping strategies, our children observe that. Give yourself grace! Intention over perfection. Emotional regulation is a process for us all, young and old.
If your child’s therapist observes that your child’s emotional regulation needs are outside of their discipline’s framework, they may recommend mental health services (e.g. MFT, Psychologist).
